Film Review – Red Riding Hood
Red Riding Hood – I generally have good luck with recommendations from Amazon.com regarding movies I should purchased because I also purchased some other random movie. The key word is generally. I don’t even remember why they recommended it, sadly. The film is about a 12-year old girl living in Rome. Her mother has abandoned her and left her with unlimited money in a bank account. The girl has done well taking care of herself, except for catching… the crazy.
Jenny has been using the money her mother left her to study various topics and to get to know Rome. She speaks a little Italian so she is functional on the streets, and she spends her days reading texts and classics so she can impress her tutor (who she’s in love with).
She’s got a dog – her only friend in the world. But it’s not really a dog. It’s an 8-foot tall dog/wolf/man named George. George goes out with her on the streets of Rome at night and they hand out justice when they see someone doing something bad. Seriously, she sees someone steal something? She has George cut off their hands. She sees someone break into a house, she follows them and has George gouge out their eyes and kill them. I told you she has the crazy.
Jenny’s grandmother from NYC shows up to take Jenny back to the US. Jenny isn’t having it. Jenny poisons her grandmother and eventually ties her up and mutilates her body so she can’t move. She also gives her peanut butter since her grandmother is deathly allergic. Jenny is a rotten little kid.
This is where you ask yourself “Why did they call this Red Riding Hood?” Well, dummies, it’s because she has red boots and has a wolf friend. She also tells her grandmother the story of Little Red Riding Hood to put her grandmother to sleep, but it’s from the wolf’s perspective. That’s the only connection. The rest of the film has nothing to do with the fairy tale.
The acting in the movie is some of the worst I’ve ever seen. I’m serious. It’s rushed and Jenny is nervous and mumbles her lines nervously. She’s also amazingly fake and contrived and not believable at all. The grandmother isn’t much better, nor are any of the minor characters which Jenny kills. The special effects are almost as bad as the acting. You can’t get shot in the head, hold your hand up to the fake wound, and make a sad face before you wiggle your body to the ground.
Don’t waste your time with this film. The scenery from Rome is nice and makes me really want to go back there again. But I’ll make sure to avoid any Americans wearing red galoshes.
(half a fu out of 5)